Should You Get a Sleep Divorce?

June 24, 2025

A young couple sleeping in bed back to back

Crawling into bed at night usually promises rest and relaxation from a long day. But for many couples, bedtime is a source of frustration. A partner who snores, tosses and turns, or routinely gets up in the middle of the night can make sharing a bed a barrier to good quality sleep.

More than a third of adults in the U.S. report that they occasionally or consistently sleep in another room from their partner, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. “If the pros outweigh the cons, then it makes sense to at least try sleeping separately,” says Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD, a psychologist, sexual medicine expert and the Division Chief of Behavioral Medicine at University Hospitals MacDonald Women’s Hospital.

Why Couples Are Choosing to Sleep Separately

“The number one reason why healthy couples choose to sleep apart is the need for a good night’s sleep,” says Dr. Kingsberg. “They recognize that they’re either distracting each other or one person is causing chronic sleep problems for the other.”

There are many factors that can contribute to poor sleep throughout the course of a couple’s relationship. These may include:

Partners going to bed or waking up for work at different times
A bed partner’s snoring, tossing and turning or getting up in the night
Different sleep styles and sensitivities around bedding, temperature, light or sound
Managing infants and young children who wake during the night
Co-sleeping with kids
Caregiving for a child with special needs or an elderly parent who may need help at night
Hormonal shifts in midlife that can affect body temperature regulation, sleep-wake cycles, mood or physical comfort
Health issues, like insomnia, sleep apnea, chronic pain or restless leg syndrome
Mental health issues, like stress, anxiety and depression
Taking medications that affect sleep
Aging and related health issues

Pros and Cons of Sleeping Apart

The biggest pro of sleeping separately is better quality sleep for both partners. It may even have a positive effect on your sex life. Not only is feeling well-rested good for your libido, but changing your routine can add a little excitement and adventure, including more flirting and fun. Rekindling affection and intimacy can also lead to greater sexual satisfaction and deeper emotional connection.

As for cons, it can be difficult if you both prefer to sleep together, or if one of you doesn’t want to sleep apart. Sleeping in separate rooms could also result in fewer opportunities to connect intimately, if you don’t make that a priority.

In some cases, sleeping separately could make it easier to avoid other problems. “There are going to be couples that have relationship conflicts, and for them sleeping apart could essentially be the beginning of the end,” says Dr. Kingsberg. If there are relationship issues – and not just sleep issues – you’re dealing with, that should be a signal to re-evaluate what’s going on outside of the bedroom, which may mean going to couples counseling or taking other steps to address your concerns.

How to Make It Work

For some couples, sleeping in separate bedrooms seven nights a week may work well. For others, spending weekends together and weeknights apart may be better. Understanding each other’s needs and perspective on potential sleeping arrangements is key. “It’s not one-size fits all,” says Dr. Kingsberg. “Having those frank discussions as a couple is part of how you make it all work.”

Being flexible and scheduling periodic check-ins is also important. Dr. Kingsberg advises meeting once a month outside of the bedroom for about 30 minutes to talk about how it’s going. “If you try something and it’s working, that’s great,” she says, “and if it’s not working, you re-evaluate.”

Keep in mind that, over time, things can change too. When kids start sleeping through the night or you become empty nesters, you may reevaluate and stop sleeping apart. Later in life, you may prefer to sleep separately if age-related health conditions make it hard to get good quality sleep in the same bed (or room) with your partner.

Maintaining Intimacy

“When sleeping separately, you do need to be more intentional about having more private time together,” says Dr. Kingsberg. It’s important to create opportunities that allow you to continue connecting in intimate ways, whether it’s to be sexual or just to have some quiet downtime to talk to each other before you go to sleep.

“Having separate bedrooms can actually be very romantic because it’s more clear when there is an overture for sex,” she says. “It can also help you break out of a rut. One of the killers of desire for couples is too much familiarity and taking each other for granted, so sleeping in separate rooms can help diminish some of that.”