9 Ways to Support Someone After a Breakup

January 09, 2026

A young woman consoling a man with a hug while sitting together

Breakups aren’t just experienced by couples. They can happen in friendships and among family members, too. When a significant relationship ends, it’s normal to mourn the loss and go through a period of grief. If someone you care about is dealing with a breakup, you can play an important role in helping them heal.

“You're not going to take away all of the pain of the breakup,” says Andrew Hunt, MD, a University Hospitals psychiatrist and associate professor of psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine. “Recovering from the loss is a process.” But being there for them can help them feel better, less alone and more resilient.

What Makes Breakups So Painful?

When trying to help a loved one through a breakup, keep in mind that there are many reasons why breakups are painful, even if the relationship wasn’t (or was no longer) healthy, satisfying or fulfilling.

“I think what makes it so impactful is how invested that person was in the relationship, and how important it is to them,” says Dr. Hunt. “Another thing that can complicate breakups is if there's a betrayal or some kind of incident, or if the breakup is fraught with conflict, because that can increase the emotionality of it.”

Additional factors that make breaking up painful include:

The human desire for connection. We’re social beings that crave relationships with others. Relying on each other has helped us survive as a species. When a close relationship ends, it’s a major loss. Scientists have found that the human brain interprets the emotional pain of being rejected by others the same way it does physical pain – it hurts.
The way you bond with others. The attachment style you develop with your parents and caregivers (how closely connected, cared for and secure you felt, or didn’t feel) influences your relationships later in life, and can make it easier or harder to navigate relationship loss.
Whether there are also secondary losses. Breaking up may mean losing shared social circles or valued relationships with other family members, as well as living situations and plans you had for the future.
Your relationship with yourself. Breakups can affect a person’s feelings of self-worth. People who have positive self-relationships and self-compassion may have developed healthier coping strategies than those with negative self-relationships.

What to Expect

There’s no one way to respond to (or get over) a breakup and no specific timeline. It’s very personal, so try to remain sensitive and open minded. “Everybody goes through the different stages of grief after a breakup, even if they don’t all go through all the stages every time or experience them at the same intensity,” says Dr. Hunt.

Common responses to breaking up include:

Anger
Anxiety
Confusion
Disbelief or denial
Feelings of betrayal or rejection
Numbness
Physical symptoms (feeling sick or weak, loss of appetite, fatigue, trouble sleeping)
Sadness and depression

9 Ways to Be Supportive

Just showing up and being present can be a big comfort. It can also help someone steeped in heartbreak cope with their pain in healthy ways – and avoid spiraling into unhealthy or destructive behavior. Here are nine ways you can be supportive of someone after a breakup.

Reach out. Breakups can increase feelings of loneliness. While some people may want to take some time for themselves, don’t assume they want to be alone with their thoughts. Let them know you care.
Spend time with them. Do things you’d normally do together. Let them know if they want to talk to you about the breakup, they can. “Most of good support is just listening and not overreacting or jumping in too quickly, trying to fix things,” says Dr. Hunt.
Consider time-blocking. If they’re worried about overburdening you with their problems, set a time block of 10 minutes that they can use to let their feelings out, suggests Dr. Hunt. Then afterward, do something together that you both enjoy. “Feelings arise spontaneously and then go away,” he says. “Talking about it can help vent that frustration.” But keeping some conversations about the breakup short can benefit you both.
Avoid common pitfalls. “Some people have a tendency to be falsely reassuring, saying everything is going to be okay, but that may make things worse if it sounds hollow or doesn’t feel true to the person who is grieving,” says Dr. Hunt. “People also sometimes inadvertently say things that are rude or devaluing of the person who's grieving the relationship, and that's not helpful either.” Try to validate their feelings, rather than judging or minimizing them.
Help with practical things. Act as a buffer in social situations, as needed. Assist with the logistics of returning belongings or moving. Keep encouraging them to stay motivated and maintain their routines when their energy or mood is low.
Discourage unhealthy coping. Dissuade them from acting on their feelings in impulsive, unhealthy or unwise ways, like binge drinking, using drugs or engaging in risky sexual experiences. “It's better to help that person brainstorm healthier coping strategies or get them to think about approaches that helped them in the past, rather than supporting them in trying to drown out their feelings with substances or throw a blanket over them,” says Dr. Hunt.
Distract from worry or rumination. “Some people have a natural inclination toward excessive worrying or rumination, and can struggle to put these feelings aside,” says Dr. Hunt. “I typically recommend putting this behavior ‘on a cue,’ meaning let them worry for a specific amount of time, and then encourage them to try not to worry the rest of the day.” When the worry period ends, you can help them focus on other things.
Remind them that there are silver linings. As hard as breakups are, ending a relationship can have positive outcomes. Breaking up can also set the stage for better future relationships. “Ending old patterns can be difficult, but it’s worthwhile to help you grow as a person,” says Dr. Hunt. “New relationships can bring new benefits.” In a way, he says, “all previous relationships are like trial periods for the new relationship that's going to be really good for you.”
Stay attuned to warning signs. Professional help may be needed if the person has been struggling with the breakup for a long time, especially if they’re experiencing extreme depression or anxiety, displaying threatening behavior, losing the ability to function in their daily life or expressing thoughts of self-harm or suicide. If they already have a therapist, reach out to that person for help. Crisis response is also available 24/7 by calling or texting 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or texting 741741 (Crisis Text Line).

Be Sure to Take Care of Yourself

As rewarding as it can be to help someone in need, supporting them through a breakup can also be draining, especially if you’re not taking care of your own emotional well-being or you start letting important things in your own life slip.

“Offer your help, but don’t carry the problem,” says Dr. Hunt. “If you feel overwhelmed yourself, seek guidance from somebody who knows how to deal with relationship issues.” This could be a family member, counselor, friend or another trusted member of your community. You can also reach out to other family members or friends of the person who is grieving to share in the caregiving efforts.

Setting boundaries on your time, taking breaks so you can recharge and leaning on your own support network to bolster you are just a few things you can do to protect yourself from burnout. And remember, you’re not abandoning the person in need. By practicing self-care, you’re ultimately ensuring that you can keep showing up for them.