The Santa Debate: Should Kids Be Told the Truth?

At some point, every parent who celebrates Christmas with their families has to decide how to talk to their children about Santa Claus. Though believing in Santa is a beloved childhood tradition, some younger parents are no longer buying into the Santa myth. These parents believe that they should be honest about Santa from the start – while others feel that allowing children to believe in Santa is part of the magic of Christmas.

But is there a right or wrong answer to the Santa debate? According to University Hospitals Rainbow Babies & Children’s licensed clinical psychologist Carolyn Ievers-Landis, PhD, DBSM, the answer is no. Families can choose the route that feels most comfortable to them, and there is little risk of traumatizing their children, regardless of the decision.

Magic and Childhood

According to Dr. Ievers-Landis, children have magical thinking until the age of 6 and it’s a completely normal part of child development. Magical thinking is the belief that your thoughts can affect or change events in the world around you. This gives young children a very active imagination that spills over into their play and everyday life.

“Children don’t have to be grounded in reality, and it’s normal for them to think about things in a magical way,” says Dr. Ievers-Landis.

Therefore fantasy and mythical beings, such as Santa, the tooth fairy and even Disney princesses can be very real to young children. Allowing your child to believe, even though they eventually will find out the truth, will not be traumatizing or harmful to their development. While they may have an emotional reaction at first, this is generally short lived.

“PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is caused by actual trauma that children experience, not finding out that Santa isn’t real. If they are traumatized by finding out about the Santa myth, there’s something else going on, such as a psychological disorder,” says Dr. Ievers-Landis.

Parents should be aware that some aspects of the Santa myth can be taken too far, such as presenting Santa as an all-knowing being who only brings presents to children who are “good.” Dr. Ievers-Landis warns that this may not be a healthy parenting tactic in general, and it might be best to avoid framing Santa in this way.

It’s OK Not to Believe

Dr. Ievers-Landis also says that it is also completely fine for parents to choose not to teach their children that Santa is real. You can instead focus on other aspects of Christmas that are important to your family, such as the joy of giving. Let them know that even though your family does not believe in Santa, other families like to pretend – and that’s OK, too.

“Teach your children that families are all different and have different beliefs, the same as you would teach them to respect other religions or cultures,” suggests Dr. Ievers-Landis.

The main thing, Dr. Ievers-Landis says, is to avoid parent shaming, regardless of your decision. There are many valid parenting choices and judging others for choosing differently than you is unhelpful.

“Parents so often feel guilty and question themselves, but we’re all doing our best,” she says. “We need to accept that not everyone will have the same belief in how to handle Santa, but everyone is doing what they think is right for their family.”