Adopted children who are of a different race from their parents face special challenges. Not only is their adoptive status clear to all on a daily basis, but in the U.S. they encounter a society where some people make insensitive or racist remarks or expect certain behaviors based on racial stereotypes.
Parents who adopt transracially in the United States are often asked to complete a transcultural plan before adopting. This should also be a part of the preparation for parents adopting internationally. Questions for you and your family to ponder should include:
♦ How racially varied are your everyday interactions? Are your librarians, teachers, grocery clerks, church members, dentist, doctor, coworkers, neighbors, and friends of various races and cultures? How much are you willing to change your routine or lifestyle in order to accommodate your child’s need to interact with people whose race or culture is different from your own?
♦ How accepting is your family of different races and cultures? Are you ready for in-laws of a different race or culture? Your extended family may be racially different forever. How will your biological family react at weddings, funerals, or holiday celebrations?
♦ Many children adopted transracially tend to identify with their own racial or cultural group more as they grow older. Is that all right? Is it acceptable to you and your family if most of your child’s peers and dates are racially or culturally different from you? Are you ready for grandchildren of a different race?
♦ How far will you go to make your child’s world more culturally and racially diverse? Will you move? Change churches? Hire babysitters who share your child’s heritage? Refuse a promotion to an area not culturally diverse?
♦ How inclusive of your child’s native culture can you be? Does he need to forget his native language and use only yours, or do you need to help him become bilingual? Are you prepared to learn about his country’s history, literature, and culture so you can teach him about his roots?
These can be touchy issues, but they certainly deserve some honest pondering before you make a decision to proceed with adopting a child from another country. Adoption is a lifelong reality and adopting across racial and cultural lines changes your family forever.
* Adapted from Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for families with Special-Needs Kids written by Greg Keck and Regina Kupecky of the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio. This book is an excellent source of information and insight for adoptive families. It may be ordered through any major bookstores and online.